Yes, this is long, and yes, it’s pointed, and yes, the woman at whom it’s directed will be offended if she sees it. But she’s the person who put her business all out there on the interwebs, and when you do that, sometimes people read it and get all huffy at you, especially when you write what she wrote. To which I react:
Recently I became aware of a Christian mother who is bemoaning the loss of her son to the quicksand of sin that is taking him inexorably to Hell. Turns out he’s gay and Mom cannot even deal. In fact, she used the occasion of his supergay wedding to release a blog post in which she details her agony. You see, son’s gayness means she can never ever see him again. Because Jesus.
Jesus says (apparently) if your kid goes all gay on you, you have to yell at him all the time, or at the very least litter the house with “Gay Blade” Chick tracts when he comes over. Which he doesn’t. Because Chick tracts are gross and porny.
“I pray,” this mom says to her readers, “that you never have to make such a sacrifice, but I also pray that you love the Lord enough to choose Him over your children. This is where we find ourselves. This is our life.”
It’s their life not to be pleasant to this adult man who happens to be gay. No, they must lob Gospel bombs at him. Also, crying a lot is required. All the time and everywhere, but most especially it’s necessary to publish a hate-piece about his gayness on his wedding day. Awkward!
Speaking of choosing your children over Jesus, what does that even mean? Does that mean we won’t hang with our kids if they take to drinking? Or will we turn our backs if they are preggers-sans-marriage? What if they embezzle? What if they speed? Of course not, you judgy thing you! Not just any sin will do. It’s just the creepy gay sins that break the ties that bind, amirite?
Cuz, seriously, gay sex is so gay, she can’t even.
“In spite of our all our attempts, he refuses to repent.” What this means is simply, “He won’t stop being gay, so we’ve washed our hands of him,” which allusion doesn’t pull up images of Pontius Pilate with her, no one knows why.
I wonder if this dear lady has read any of the literature. Any of the testimonies of tormented gay kids who strive with all their hearts to please God, who beg God to make them straight, toggle the hetero-switch, fix them. No one gets fixed. Gay people stay gay same as hetero people stay hetero and bi people stay bi. You is who you is, all your parents’ “attempts” (translate: screaming, hauling you to pastoral counseling, various invasive therapies) notwithstanding.
What Mom should do here, of course, is realize that her son is an adult, adult enough that one of the 50 states granted him and his husband a marriage license, and she should treat him like any other adult with whom she comes in contact: with civility and pleasantness. There’s no need to be super-duper-closies, but by the same token there’s no need to vomit your sobbing broken heart all over the internet on your son’s wedding day. Why not just send a card?
“We have no fellowship,” Mom continues. “Fellowship” is a churchy word that indicates hanging out. They used to hang out. Now they don’t. Cuz son is too gay for words. They don’t even text! He’s so gay she can’t even trade emojis with him!
“Our son has turned his back on everything he ever believed.” This is likely true. He used to believe in his foolish little-boy heart, “Mommy will always love and accept me no matter what.”
“He has no respect for the Lord or the church.” Don’t worry, Mom. He’ll find a supportive, affirming church. Rest easy. It’s okay. It won’t be your church, but since you can’t even stand to text him, you’re probably relieved.
“He has chosen a life of sin rather than the hope of salvation.” Please. There are lots and lots of gay Christians. Don’t believe me, ask around. More importantly, if he’s concerned about this, he will ask around, and the biggest obstacle to his joining a group of affirming believers, Madam, is you and your hateful wedding day rant which even I—who have no relation to you and have never heard of you and only just happened to hear about through friends of friends who were all equally appalled—happened to read!
“Do we overlook his practice or sin . . . or withdraw ourselves from him as the Lord instructs?” Here, you’re just looking for people to pat you on the shoulder and say, “Well, honey, you’re right. You’ve got to separate from him. Here, have a special hug.” But the fact is, if you look around carefully, you’re going to find that all sorts of Fundamentalist and Evangelical and WhateverDenominationYouAre people happily include their LGBT relatives in their lives. They may rant away in the pulpit, but the kid comes home for Thanksgiving.
I could give you names on that one, but I’m committed to not outing people. But here’s a morsel of info: I know an administrator at an uberfundamentalist school whose kid is like yours—maybe even gayer!—and the parents do Thanksgiving and even (I know, it’s shocking) Christmas with this kid!
Speaking of other people’s kids, I’m always amazed/horrified when people take to the Internet to shame their kids. You know those parents who post pics of their kids wearing the “Get Along” shirt or standing on the street corner holding some sign that says how bad they were. These sorts of parents deserve what they get from these kids. When you shame a child in public, serves you right when the grandkids don’t know who you are and don’t care.
She goes on: “I know the pain of ‘giving our son to the Devil.’” Seems to me he gave himself, in your estimation, a long time ago.
More importantly, are you aware, madam, that he’s not yours to give, and that, anyway, the Apostle Paul is speaking figuratively here? His meaning is quite clear, if you think about it—leave the person alone who isn’t behaving as you’d like, and let things shake out on their own. You realize, don’t you, that you don’t have the authority to allow Satan authority over your son, right? I mean, seriously, who do you think you are? And besides, even if that were the case, what could Satan possibly do more to him than make him gay, and you yourself did that by bringing him into the world all gay and stuff.
Would you have aborted him had you known that fetus was one gay fetus? I mean, from what you’re saying, it seems that sometimes we have to separate from our children when they make these “choices”! It’s reminiscent of Andrea Yates, that very disturbed woman who drowned her five children before they could reach the age of accountability, or that man I once saw on Forensic Files who killed his family because they were becoming worldly. Ironic!
Speaking of choices, have you ever talked to 50 or 100 gay people? Asked them when they chose to be gay? Did you imagine, Ma’am, that your son, in some pubescent moment of Shakespearean indecision—To be gay or not to be; that is the question!—made a list of pros and cons, took a survey of his friends, or otherwise deliberately determined his sexuality by making a decision, as you might decide whether to have toast or oatmeal this morning? Rather, did not his pulse quicken when he laid eyes on a cute boy, and did this and other experiences not continue to happen without his consent merely because he is gay? He has always been gay, your son. You could not have stopped this. You could never have stopped this. You should realize then that you are absolved from the incredible guilt you are obviously feeling and flinging all over the internet, and which your friends in your comments are soothing with their kind words of “oh, how awful for you.”
“Until now, I have only shared with a couple of close friends . . .” But today on his wedding day, you’ve decided to go full Pentagon Papers and tell the entire world. Good on you, gal!
Some days you shed only a tear. Other days are full of gut-wrenching cries of despair. I wonder if sonny-boy has this same experience. Maybe you should ask him: “Hey, Buddy, some days I am gut-wrenchingly despaired that you’re not in my life, but other days not so much. You?”
Many days she drives into her driveway with tears blinding her eyes, literally screaming and wailing in grief, desperate, hopeless. Ummmm, he’s not dead, Ma’am. Pick up the phone and give him a call if you don’t believe me.
“I’m devastated by our loss; his loss.” Oh, you are, are you? Are you devastated by his loss—that his mother won’t speak to him? That his mother chose his wedding day to issue this global emotional rant about her embarrassment about his life? That his mother has chosen not to speak to him for the past three years? To remedy this, bake a pan of brownies and go over there and apologize for your obtuseness. Say sorry.
Does everyone in your life have to live by your religious rigors? Or is it just your son? Do you distance yourself from every LGBT person (your barista, for example), or is it just your son and his husband? Indeed, do you distance yourself from everyone who is involved in a “life of sin” (your neighbor who lives with her boyfriend and their respective children, for example?) or is it just the sinning fruit of your own womb you can’t bear to have in your life?
“I don’t know this person I once thought I knew so well. Was I blind to things that I should have seen?” Yes. You were. You didn’t notice your sweet boy was gay. And once you were apprised of this, you were blind to the fact that it wasn’t your business. And now that he’s married, you’re blind to the fact that you have on purpose tossed him out of your life because he’s not sexually attracted to girls.
You made this all about you. Indeed, you know that. “I feel embarrassed by what my son has done.” And there it is—we have a winner! Admitting the problem is the first step to recovery. You’re embarrassed. It’s so gay, after all! How could a gay child have come out of your womb, your home, your faithful teaching of the Bible? How could anyone, brought up by YOU possibly be GAY?
“I believed our relationship was so close. I adored this child. Was the love our son expressed to us all a lie? How does one go from being a respectful obedient child to flagrantly disregarding everything we taught him and everything that we stand for?”
Holy crap! Do you even hear yourself? You’re saying that because it turns out your son is gay he was lying about his love for you. Wait wait, there’s more. You admit that he was such a perfect respectful obedient child who went all gay and flagrantly so. This respectful, obedient, loving child—so it happens!—is gay! That’s all! He’s a good boy. He’s a loving boy. He’s a respectful boy. Who, as it happens, is gay.
All the anger and animosity and hate and wailing and tears and hopelessness and anger and blasphemy and nontexting and never-see-ums are not because he’s gay; they’re the results of your response to his being gay. He’s a respectful, loving person. You’re the one who freaked out. You’re the one who wasn’t prepared for the news and went loony tunes when you heard it. You’re the person who lost it.
He used to help you peel potatoes and now he’s all gay. He used to look at you all adoringly and now he’s gay. He used to stir ingredients into the batter. MOM! He grew up! Do you really want him to stir the stew and adore you now? Really? Sounds like someone needs to get a life, and I have three sons and know whereof you speak. Stir your own stew already. The boy is grown.
As to your inability to sleep through the night, maybe get a prescription. I mean, there are mothers whose kids are in San Quentin who are coping better than you are.
“I try to picture where my son is now and what he may be doing . . .” Okay, did you just say that? Stop with that nonsense. Do you want him to imagine what you and his daddy are doing right now? No, because that’s gross. We do not go around imagining the sexual habits of others. We just don’t, because that’s creepy and stalky. Ask Miss Manners if you don’t believe me.
And speaking of stalky, you can’t keep yourself from lurking his social media. Stop that, too. Not your beeswax, okay? If you can’t even text him or send him a Congrats on Your Wedding card, you don’t get to stare at his Facebook all the time.
“I remember singing harmony together in the kitchen. I remember the pride I felt when he led singing or gave a talk at young men’s night at church. Those memories are all I have left now. There are no more to make.”
Sure, but that’s your choice, Mom. It’s way more your choice than it is his. He’s gay. He can’t help that. But you’ve chosen not to see him, and every day that you don’t see him you are choosing that.
By the way, that thing about the singing and the men’s talks—seems like maybe you were super invested in his ministry potential. You need to let that one go. There are lots of things about our kids that we don’t get to choose. Whether they’ll be pastors and whether they’ll be gay rank among those.
“He was such a handsome boy, an excellent student, a talented musician.” What? Did his gayness make him ugly or stupid or cause him to forget the notes?
“He was so kind and thoughtful of others.” And now he’s a monster?
“He loved his siblings.” And now he hates them? If so, whose fault is that?
“We used to receive the most precious cards” on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. And now you don’t? Go Figure! I just can’t imagine why he isn’t handmaking cards for you right now! Maybe it’s the bit about how he’s going to hell and the part where you’re wondering about his sexual habits. Gross, lady.
“I remember his infectious laugh.” Now he just grunts.
“Now any correspondence from him are filled with anger, blame, hateful words. Even worse are the sarcastic and blasphemous words used toward his heavenly Father.” Aside from your syntax freaking me out (is correspondence plural?), I have an inkling of an idea why he might be angry. For starters, he was the perfect child—he sang harmony with you in the kitchen, for crying out loud—and you tossed him out for being who he is.
You’re the loser here, you realize that, right? You missed his wedding, and you’re going to miss his children, his successes, his hopes, his dreams. He would have participated in your family memories if you’d been kind, but you weren’t kind. You decided God didn’t want you to be kind. You decided Satan was at your beck and call to “take over” the life of the son you birthed out of your own body, and you made the call.
I mean, seriously. What kind of spiritual clout do you imagine you have: “Yo, Satan, my son is gay. Can you whack him around a little?” Seems Satan is a little too busy these days to deal with your son, or maybe he’s waiting til after the honeymoon. And anyway, why are Christian people talking to Satan? What is up with that?
“Self-evaluation, guilt, despair, fear . . . I know we were good parents. We loved our son, spent time with him, encouraged him, and taught him God’s word.” Yeah, sure, and good job, Mom! But this isn’t about you. I think we’ve covered that.
“I don’t know what the future holds for our son or our family.” Oh, but I do. He’s going to be fine, and you’re going to be fine, and what is keeping you from being fine together is your insistence on being separate, on being unwilling to talk, on hating his gayness so much that you refuse to see the sweet, caring son who adored you and sang harmony with you in the kitchen.
Your belief that God wants you never to see your son again unless he stops being gay (he won’t), is what keeps you from peeling those potatoes with him ever again. Keeps you from hearing that infectious laugh. Keeps you from making those memories.
The empty place at your table is there because you haven’t invited him to sit there, and frankly you don’t get to now. Unless you put out two chairs and say, “Come, both of you. We love you and want you in our lives.”
Or cry in your driveway. It’s your choice.
Brilliant response! I’ve read the offensive post and was so exasperated I just had nothing! This is perfect!!! Thank you!
This “mother” is one I would not want. What a judgmental hag. I read the post to which you responded and I thought that this woman wouldn’t know Jesus if she met him in the road. If the Bible is true, he won’t know her either.
Thank you for writing this. You said so many of the things that I wanted to.
Nothing makes me sadder than when a parent of an LGBTQ child turns away from them using Jesus as their reason. I understand the journey may be unexpected and that things may be playing out very differently than a parent may have envisioned but seriously blaming God for a family’s division is not only unChrist like but completely unnecessary. Many of the parents who respond as this woman did are not inherently bad parents but rather people who have for years had biblical interpretations and teachings drilled into them. They need to be willing to explore with an open mind that perhaps what they have always believed to be true, been taught, may actually not be what Jesus wants. I thank God everyday for giving my transgender son to me and not some parent who is as misguided as this parent is. When I realized that my daughter was in fact my son I was overcome with emotions but never for a second did I believe I would do anything other than love and support my child. After all, my children are God’s greatest gifts to me and I will always love, appreciate and honour those gifts. Yes, I am an LGBTQ affirming parent and the Jesus I know would want it no other way. Well meaning Christians almost tore my family apart by directing their intolerance and misguiding understandings at my eldest child, Mariah. Thankfully we were able to overcome the damage their words did to us when they said my youngest child, Jordan, was “not of God” and today my children are as close as they ever were. I began to journal one day because while I never had any of the feelings this mother did, writing helped me to understand, to process what our family was going through. My writing was never intended to be published but ultimately was when I realized I had written the book I only wish was available to me when Jordan came out to us. I wish more people would share their affirming stories. I know many people don’t understand our journey or transgender people in general and transition may not be right for everyone who is transgender. All I can tell you is that for my son, it was absolutely the right decision. Today, he is a very happy, well adjusted and thriving 19 year old who has always had and always will have the full support of both his parents. The problem remains that too many parents are so fixed in their understanding that those that need to listen to posts like this one are likely the least to give it the time of day – and that is so very, very sad. Sincerely, Cheryl B. Evans (Author of I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a transgender child.)
Beautifully said, my fellow transparent. My heart leaped reading your words!! I couldn’t have said it better but will probably copy it if you don’t mind. Best wishes & love to you & your family. Happy Mother’s Day to a true mom!
Thank you!! I read that horrible and misguided woman’s post this morning and had a visceral reaction. I felt sick. Bless this beautiful young man!
Thank you for this – it was perfect. I’ve been upset all morning after reading that hateful, ignorant woman’s blog, and you have the perfect words for her, or anyone else who feels as she does. She likely won’t be swayed, but perhaps someone else going through something similar will read this and make the right choice – the choice to love their child unconditionally, as mothers are meant to do.
Mic Drop! Thank you for writing this! It’s everything I wanted to say when I read the original post!
THANK YOU!!!!! I read this woman’s blog and I wanted to wash my eyes out with soap afterward. Her son hasn’t chosen to be gay, but she HAS CHOSEN to hate! Her mourning is caused by her decision to not associate with her son, not by his being gay! Like when did SHE decide to be straight? And giving her son to satan????WHAT? Wouldn’t it be better if she gave him over to GOD? God, he is in your hands, change him if you will! (Which he won’t of course, because, that isn’t how it works.) Poor guy may be disillusioned with God now, but what do you expect when those who are supposed to represent God act hateful? When the one person who should love him UNCONDITIONALLY turns her back on him, what is he supposed to think of God? We learn about who God is from our parents first and foremost. Not by their words, but by their actions!
I may very well print this out and frame it. Thank you! That Mother’s wallowing in her pitifully poor tormented self and inflated but-oh-so-terribly-wounded ego was just about more than I could handle. That and her being “fed” by her fellow holier-than-thou’s and better-than-you’s that will never EVER fill the self-imposed void that she really seems to relish having in lieu of her own flesh-and-blood. I just hope she gets the miracle of a second chance. But first she’ll have to own alllll of whatever the heck that was.
I actually know this young man the mother is referencing. He and his fiancé (now husband) were roommates of mine last year. Fortunately, I have never had the displeasure of meeting his grief stricken mother, who threw him from their home when he was still a teenager, forcing him to be raised by a friend’s family (who actually accepted him for who he was-imagine that!). However, I can attest that this young man and his husband are both kind, loving, church-going men. His husband is actually a licensed minister! It is a shame that this lady has so much hate in her that she felt the need to turn to the internet for pity and validation for her own atrocious choices. And if she stays awake all night or cries all day, good. Maybe she should take it as a sign of her own wretched actions, and lay the guilt where it belongs… At her own feet.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Mary. I was so hoping this dear young man and his husband love God and know God loves them! In spite of parental rejection…they’ve clung to God. Isn’t that amazing, encouraging, and lovely?!?
No problem! As much as his mother wants to make him sound alone and on a downward spiral, I personally know he has a loving husband, adorable step-daughter, supportive in-laws, and a huge network of friends and a supportive church community.
Thanks for sharing this! You made my day!
Brilliant.
This is awesome. You, lady, rock!!!
I left a post there over at *that* blog, such was the anger I felt. I hardly believe it will be approved but here’s a cut and paste of what I wrote, just to show that not all us church ‘moms’ feel the same way she does. Here goes:
I stopped reading after this:
Someone may ask, “Why would anyone break ties with her own child?” The answer is, “loyalty to Jesus.
Yes, I love Jesus BUT whilst I am here on this Earth I have a duty, which is a joy of a duty to have, to protect my children, preserve their safety and promote their wellbeing. It’s called being a parent. To do anything to the contrary isn’t parenting – its neglect.
By gifting me with three gorgeous children on this mortal coil, Jesus bestowed with me the duty of being a parent. This is a duty which only expires at the same time as my final breath. I care not one iota of the gender of my children’s partners in their adult lives. What matters to me is that they are happy, healthy and living life to the fullest in that brilliantly unique and fantastic mould in which they were created. I would never ever forsake my children – and Jesus knows that, hence he wouldn’t have given me the job of being their parent.
Splinters and planks in the eye spring to mind for the zealots out there who choose to persecute, abuse and denigrate rather than cherish, adore and love. I know I am saved to serve, and so are my children.
For any further reference you might want to wander over to Matt 7:1 and have a read.
…Like I say, I doubt the woman will approve the post I wrote as it doesn’t concur with her stance.
I think what you wrote was beautiful. I wore a comment too, linking this article. I figure she won’t approve it as well, but at least I know she’ll see this post.
No, I don’t think she allows any dissenting views or criticism on her site. All she is interested in is an echo chamber.
In contrast, I have approved all comments here. I thought I would get some angry, hateful ones, but haven’t yet.
Thank you, I had all these thoughts after I read that terrible post. I will be sharing this!
Bless you. I’m one of those depicable Gay Christians. Not only that, but I have claimed and experienced the power, presence, peace, pardon and purpose of God’s Spirit in my life for well over fifty years. Yes, I wasted many years trying to “pray the gay away”, and was ready to walk away from my faith. Not because I didn’t believe, but because the message from my church was that I didn’t deserve to be invited to the Lord’s table.
Fortunately though, God did an amazing work in my life. He showed me the meaning of Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” He also revealed his purpose in creating me who I was, and called me to be an Ambassador of Reconciliation”, as Paul tells us to be in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19. Today I am blessed to know God’s forgiveness and love, and work sharing the gospel with those who are being shut out of the kingdom.
I don’t know you… but I LOVE YOU!!!
You said all the things I wanted to say to this hate filled backward person.
Yes so much this! I pray with All my Heart that she and her self righteous commenters read this@
Thank you a thousand times over for writing this! As a father of a child who recently came out as trans, I simply cannot imagine the thought process that would lead a parent to separate themselves from their child. If my church ever asked that of me, then my church could go to Hell for all I care.
Love, love your commentary. Yesssss!
I could not love this more. Can we be best friends now?
We’re pals now!
Thank you for writing this incredible response. My parents are also really homophobic, and it makes my whole day/week/month/year to hear someone provide snappy comebacks to their ridiculous hate-filled rants.
As the mother of a gay son, who is a Christian, I am so disgusted by this woman, thank you for writing this Sharon. I can’t begin to imagine what is wrong with this mother. She’s a monster and an actual garbage person.
“Speaking of choosing your children over Jesus, what does that even mean? Does that mean we won’t hang with our kids if they take to drinking? Or will we turn our backs if they are preggers-sans-marriage? What if they embezzle? What if they speed? Of course not, you judgy thing you! Not just any sin will do. It’s just the creepy gay sins that break the ties that bind, amirite?” Well….some people break ties over apparently much less “serious” so-called infractions. Some people break ties over whether or not you enjoy a beer at a ball game or your refusal to hate “the gays”. As someone who has personally experienced situations like this, I cannot ever thank you enough for this post. I am going to read it over and over. Thank you for speaking truth. Thank you for shining light on the manipulative, narcissistic, disgusting, religious double-speak.
Wow and Thank You. (For my files, I have printed out the Lady’s original blubber session, and I have printed out your brilliant reply.) May she be healed soon, of her loss. But that will not happen if she continues choosing the path she has started on…. Oh well.
Thank you. Your response is perfect.
As a father who suddenly and unexpectedly lost my son when he was 26 years old, I can’t tell you how insane this woman is being. He’s alive, lady. Get your head out of your holier-than-thou ass.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Rusty. Hugs.
Rusty hugs to you…it’s so sad that those who could Love their child choose not to when others would give anything for that chance and can’t…heartbreaking!
I am so sorry. No parent should have to face what you have faced.
Sharon,
Thank you for this!
I have a private facebook group for open minded Christian moms of lgbt kids. We have more than 1800 members and our group is focused on developing and maintaining healthy, loving, authentic relationships with our kids and making the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for them to live. The group is a place where we share information, tell our stories to one another, and encourage and support each other. It breaks our heart to hear about parents who turn their backs on their kids because they are LGBT. Our LGBT kids need to know that their sexual orientation nor gender identity will affect our love for them or our relationship with them. They need to know that even though they may face some prejudice, ignorance and cruelty in the world because they are LGBT that they can depend on our love and our support and that we will walk with them as they learn to accept themselves and become the people they were created to be!
Thank you again for your response to the mom who says she gave her son to the devil. We need more people like you speaking up in support of LGBT people. ❤️
Please share your group here or a way to contact you to join the group. I think there may be a number of people following this post and these comments who would be interested!!! Thanks for the important work you do!
Sharon,
Thanks for asking.
Here is a little bit about the group and contact info to join:
Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,800 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids (you do not have to be Christian to join).
In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com
Hi Liz,
May i join your private FB group please? I am a Mum (Mom) to 4 beautiful children, and our only son who is almost 19, announced about 18 months ago that he is gay. It’s been a real challenge to my faith and trying to reconcile what I believe and the reality of my son’s choices. We have not disowned him and since he left home and went flatting, we get on very well. He’s taking me out when I next visit later this month ( he lives about 2 hours drive from us) for a belated Mother’s Day and he said he’s paying! But I do find it hard to know what I should be praying about concerning him. We’re in New Zealand.
Thanks a LOT from over here in Germany, too!
Perfect!
Simply FANTASTIC!
Thank you – as a Momma Bear of my AMAZING GAY SON – MY REASON “CJ”
You all have my lsupport and prayers! You are safe, you are LOVED ❤️
I hated her story and had no compassion for her. She used the bible as a weapon against her own child. I have a verse for her: Isaiah 49:15 “Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!”
With much love and compassion to her son, from another Momma Bear.
Wow! You sound like a riled up God-and-people-loving person turning over tables in the Temple right beside Jesus. Thanks for reacting like a Mama Bear defending someone else’s cub. Thanks for writing words that swirled in so many of our heads and hearts…those of us who can say of this mom, “but for the grace of God, there go I.”
Hi, I’m the mom-in-question’s new son-in-law. I just want to say thank you for speaking up in a way that we can’t (and I admit I reading this was *extremely* satisfying).
I also want to mention that my husband and I are fortunate enough to have developed the emotional resilience to handle stuff like this and we have a phenomenal circle of support, including my family (my dad is a pastor!) and my husband’s family-of-choice. We ourselves are more concerned for those LGBTQ kids who hear this kind of steaming garbage every day and don’t have the resilience or external emotional supports to handle it.
Moreover, we don’t have any animus towards my husband’s mom; in a way we’re thankful she posted this publicly so that people can see how bad it’s been for years now. My husband’s parents have an open invitation to our home at any time they choose to accept it; I hope someday before I kick it to be able to cook for them and welcome them into our home.
Ain’t gonna let Satan steal our joy, halleloo, &c. &c.
Again, thank you.
Congratulations on your marriage! I’m glad to see your heart has not become hardened by this woman’s hatefulness. I too will pray that a day will come where she can understand that she can love the both of you, that this is what God desires.
Dear NX,
I’m so glad to read that both you and your husband have the love, joy, and true family to support you both! God works in mysterious ways–both of you, plus Sharon’s post, may have saved countless families and kid’s lives. You will never know, but I am guessing it will be MANY.
And I have to say I got a giggle from your statement “in a way we’re thankful she posted this publicly so that people can see how bad it’s been for years now.” When my partner passed away in 1993 my parents reluctantly attended the funeral. My therapist/minister said to me later, “not that I didn’t believe you, but after meeting your parents–I believe every single word you’ve told me.”
I’m really glad that this whole situation hasn’t harmed you and your husband’s relationship. Truly I am. I’ve personally seen it happen several times, and it always hurts. Cheers and a long, happy life to you and yours. Stay strong! Love, laugh, and moo!
NX,
Gosh, I’m so glad you commented here! I have a private FB group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids who love and support their LGBTQ kids.The moms in my group want to have great relationships with their kids and are working to make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for them to live. We presently have more than 1800 moms in the group with kids of all ages. Our official nickname is “Mama Bears” because we are both cuddly and fierce. 🙂
Ever since we read your husband’s mom’s post the “Mama Bears” have been wanting to send you and your husband our love and support! We wanted to congratulate you on your marriage and let you know that we are happy for you two. We wanted you to know that we celebrate your love and your marriage!
It breaks our hearts when we hear about parents who have rejected their LGBTQ kids because they think that their faith requires that. We know that isn’t true and we are working to get the word out that our Christian faith led us to love, accept, affirm and support our LGBTQ kids! We are affirming because of our faith – not in spite of it!
I think it is wonderful that you are not bitter or angry and are open to reconciliation in the future. We want that for your family also and are hoping it happens.
But we are angry and we are using our anger for good.
We are angry that parents would reject their child because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. We are angry that parents ignore that scripture does not condemn a loving, monogamous same sex relationship. We are angry that a parent would paint themselves as the victim in this scenario. We are angry that churches are teaching a toxic message that harms LGBTQ people and causes families to split. We are angry that LGBTQ people are discriminated against and that some people want to pass laws to legalize that discrimination. We are angry that 40% Of homeless and runaway youth in the US are LGBTQ and most of those kids come from Christian homes who have rejected them. We are angry that many LGBTQ people experience hopelessness, despair, depression and self loathing because of false and damaging messages they hear.
We are angry but we are using our anger for good as we encourage and support one another and work together to change the world.
Best of everything to you and your husband. #LoveIsTheMovement
Here is a short version of my own journey to becoming affirming and it includes info about the group in case you ever want to pass it on to any mom who would like to join us.
https://serendipitydodah.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/stories-that-change-the-world-33-i-became-affirming-because-my-faith-not-in-spite-of-it/
Woot!!! So happy to hear this! Did you feel the many prayers going up from Liz’s group? As one of the mama bears in her group, my heart broke when I read your MIL’s words. You are a very gracious and loving couple/family to be able to respond like this. God bless you!!!!
Thank you for sharing your side of the story. My heart breaks for her and what she is missing. I hope someday your mother in law will come around and realize that her son is still a Christian and active in the church. Sometimes family is chosen rather than blood related. Your father sounds cool. I am glad that you have a church who accepts all people. I’m sure they are the majority. The narrow view of some “Christians” is disturbing to me as I have many LGBTQ friends. And they are all dear to me. May you have a long and happy life together with your family!
NX: Congrats to you and your husband on your marriage! I felt sick to my stomach reading the post by your mother-in-law. I honestly don’t know anyone believes Jesus would want us to turn our backs on our children. I did notice she kept referring to his “choice”, so she either doesn’t understand or refuses to believe that our sexuality is not our choice, whether we are gay or straight! My son married his husband in our home two years ago last December, and I was so please that most of our family attended. My husband’s parents, sister and brother-in-law refused to come because the union was not “of God”. I thought that particularly funny coming from my evangelical sister-in-law who’s on her third marriage – talk about cherry-picking the Bible! My best wishes to you all.
Her blog was posted (as an example of what not to do) on a FB group I follow. Her words bothered me so much that I did some Facebook stalking (sorry, lol). It warmed my heart to see the photos of the two of you together so happy. Congrats on the wedding, and may your family be forever blessed.
NX, it’s wonderful to hear you’ve surrounded yourself with loving family and friends! Know that there are so many of us Mama Bears who love you and your husband unconditionally and who stand with you against the crazies. Congratulations on your marriage! Love wins.
Thanks for the warning it was snarky. Otherwise I might have been surprised, expecting a sweet charming, maybe achingly sad rebuttal. As it was I has half chortling over the snarkiness, and half crying over the pain this woman and her god are inflicting on that precious boy. Beautiful, infectious rant (like the kid’s laughter, you know?). Thanks.
Wonderful! Thank you!
This is for Mary, the one who said she knew the young man the mother was referring to. Could you please let him know that there are hundreds of Christian “Mama Bears” out there that would be blessed to call him their son! Let him know many prayers are being said for him and I pray that he knows how much he is loved! <3
They have seen this post (as well as the unfortunate one its referencing), as well as all of your supportive responses. A few comments above yours is actually from the son’s new husband. They are very supported by their friends, community, and other family.
PREACHH!!!
Thank you for saying some of the things I was thinking. I just want to shake this Mom in all her pathetic, poor me rhetoric. I have buried one of my children, I was not given a choice about missing out on seeing my son grow up, have a family, to have him where I can hug him, meet his spouse, whoever it may have been. She does, she chose to exclude him, to toss him aside, not because of any other reason than her own selfishness and embarassment, this certainly has nothing to do with the deity she claims to believe in. Her child didn’t choose to be gay, it is who he is, and who he always was, he is still the wonderful, loving talented person he always has been. She is the one who turned away and now she wants everyone to console her and pat her on the back and tell her how sorry we all for her. I don’t feel sorry for her at all, in fact I am so angry, so tired of self righteous Christians like her.
My mother once told me that if either me or my husband were secretly gay (which we both are) and we didn’t keep it to ourselves, she would “stab [us]… with a knife… in [our] sleep.” I spent nearly 20 years in my mixed orientation marriage, always wondering why I couldn’t pray away the emptiness.
I am so thankful that there are so many more people like you, like the Christian Mama Bears and the Mormon Mama Dragons. It gives me hope.
Just…yes. Everything you said made me want to cheer and punch the air. How on earth can that awful woman reconcile her stance with what we know of Jesus? Please! I haven’t read her post because I didn’t want to give it more views than it already has, but the bits I’ve seen quoted have made me cry.
As I thought about this more, I had another thought: the scary thing is, she may be a wonderful person who has just been brainwashed and browbeaten into thinking this is the right way to do life. That is SO SAD. She is a prisoner in that religious system, and she may not even know what a prison it is.
Christians fight among themselves. People will believe whatever they wish to believe. But, if you believe you are a worthless sinner, you will become that which you believe yourselves to be. Some will see the infighting as I have, and join me in leaving the sheep pen. Others will join other sects, like that will solve the problem! Meh, come and go as you please, but when you have experiences like I have, you wont be coming back to the sheep pen for a long time, if you ever do.
Thank you so much for this, Having buried a daughter as well as a Grandaughter all I can say is I would give anything to have them back. I can not understand how someone blessed with a healthy, beautiful child could ever turn their back on them for any reason.
So, I read both posts, and knowing beyond doubt that my comment on the other page will be deleted, I took the precaution of screen-capturing my response. Let me preface this with this one fact: At one point in my life I was on the road to becoming a pastor myself. Now onto my response: http://prntscr.com/f7bire
I’ve no idea how to provide a hyper link in these forums, I do apologize, but if you select the text there and click “Open in new tab,” it will work well.
It seems to me that Christianity has reached a tipping point in its evolution as a religion, where it has stopped being of peace and started being of sword. It’s truly sad, and also why I did everything I could to escape it myself; at great personal cost. I lost my house, my cars and my fiance, because everything I had at that time in my life was literally church provided. I was homeless for over 6 months while the people I knew sat and watched me waste away into oblivion. Whereas I would babysit kids 2 or 3 days a week for families that could not afford child care, or tend the elderly, or help prepare meals for the poor; I had become nothing more to them than garbage. They tossed me out same as that lady did to her son. My advice to any and all who will listen: If you claim to be a believer in a god, please; at least act like you mean it.
A well known, ultra conservative, right wing, very religious radio psychologist once said that she could not believe how many times she heard parents defend their murderous, child molesting, rapist son with “My Johnny is a GOOD boy”, while a son who had committed NO crime would be thrown out and hated if he was gay. Even she was horrified at the hatefulness of these people. They seem to forget that Jesus dined with saints & sinners, instead of only believers and those who agreed with Him.
I’m sitting here reading this at a Greek restaurant, fighting the tears in public. I’m one of the gay Christians who doesn’t have a great relationship with my family for everything you’ve mentioned. My folks’ age-related mental health issues have toned it down a lot, but every now and then, a comment will slip out. My older sister and her husband are the most judgey, having even mocked the Pulse shooting. Thank you for your words and your public statement. I wish I could give you a hug! ❤️
Rollin, I’m another of those “Momma Bears,” who would love to give you love and hugs in any way possible. At the time of the Pulse shooting, I didn’t even know my own daughter was gay, but that didn’t affect how much it broke my heart in ways words literally can’t convey. I hope you have found “other family” who will convey the love and acceptance that your own family doesn’t, but if not, please at least know that this Mom in Texas is sending you massive *HUGS* and love! <3
Sharon, BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO! Words cannot express my joy in seeing your nailed-it-on-the-head-practically-perfect response. I will be keeping your response forever. You stated so powerfully what needs to be said to these self-righteous blinded “godly” people who know nothing of what they speak or of the hearts of those they hurt so deeply. And you totally nailed it when you said “You made this all about you.” BRILLIANT!!! AND TRUTH!!! My mother always cried about “what will other people think??” People in other states, other cities, other countries, people she would never ever meet or even know their names, but whose “approval” she placed over and above the happiness of her own children.
You brilliantly gave voice to so many. God bless you. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Well, my comment was of course removed from that website, so I left another one in it’s place.
http://prntscr.com/f7jv6u
Do enjoy.
I LOVED your post! It was just perfect. You expressed how I felt about that “mom” far better than I ever could. When I read her post I was outraged at her cruelty and self-righteousness. I left a message taking her to task on her message board but I assume she will delete it. (All the posts I saw in her comment section were praising her and telling he what a great Christian she was and to “stay strong”. Ugh!) Anyway thank you so much for writing this.
Yes, I think it’s very telling that the mom has deleted every single post that doesn’t praise her actions and agree with her.
Anyone who claims to love god more than their own flesh and blood do not deserve the love that god has to offer.
I do not believe in a higher power, but a person who would write a column about abandoning her son because s/he is gay, is proof that monsters exist.
My Mom is dead but my husbands Nom calls me ” her other son” . You are a wonderful brace kind woman for writing this and today you have given me a reason why I shouldn’t leave the Church .
I wish I could hug and help as many people as are abused each day by religion. That’s not to say that all religious people are abusive, I know better. But many are; and they should actually read the book instead of just regurgitating what hateful preachers/people keep saying
.
This is absolutely masterful. Thank you!
This woman was unworthy to be his mother before he was even conceived.
Some of us have actually lost children, as in DEAD. How this person could reject their own child is absolutely beyond me. There is something so wrong with her that even being an evangelical does not explain.
Thank you Sharon for your rebuttal to this woman’s blog! It is PERFECT!! She is a sad person. I saw how she deletes all comments who are in disagreement with her narrow viewpoint. And leaves only the “right” ones. Her son is an active participant in his church. One who accepts him with open hearts. His “chosen” family are awesome!! May he and his husband have a wonderful life. I hope someday she realizes what she has thrown away. When Judgment Day comes she will find herself on the wrong side of the line. Jesus taught that we are to love one another. There are no restrictions there. We are born either straight or LBGTQ. It is NOT a choice. Do straight people decide to become gay? NO! It doesn’t work that way. So LGBTQ folks CAN’T choose to become straight.
Everything is permitted when you’re WARSHED IN THE BLUDDA JEEZUS’!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!!
Oh, dear! I have to say I love you and all that you wrote. I laughed until I cried! I’m sharing this with everyone I know. Thank you, thank you, thank you! XOXO!
Thank you, Scott!
Thank you Sharon. I was lucky to have a Mom and my Pentecostal Grandmother who loved and accepted me ‘just as I am’. The rest of my pentecostal relatives wouldn’t stop to render aid if they saw me on fire. They’d just tell me or anyone else that might be listening, I was getting what I deserve. It amazes me in this day and age, so many people still think being gay is a choice. Thank you for your compassion and kindness. I am no longer a believer, but it’s nice to see people who do believe, that still have a heart.