JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER, starring Justin Bieber

 

You wouldn’t think much would need to be said about a G-Rated movie about a cute kid who has a pretty decent set of pipes, can swish it from half-court, and can do a Rubik’s Cube in no-time flat.  Add to that the fact that The Bieb can play the piano, the guitar, and the drums with confidence and finesse, and there just doesn’t seem to be much left to say. But while we’re at it, let’s add that this is one nice teenaged boy. He loves his mama, loves his vocal coach, loves his manager, and loves to perform.

The kid was born to perform. You know the type. He’s singing for the grandparents at every possible moment. In your house, maybe he was putting on plays, reading aloud, reciting his original poetry. You thought that was sweet. You thought it was wonderful!

Here’s another thing. At least among the songs performed for the movie, there’s not one single innuendo, not a whisper of sexual suggestion anywhere. Nor are there any slinky girls on stage in provocative clothing. And the girls in the audience are crying with joy to see this boy sing sweet non-threatening songs that don’t ask anything of them.  

Raised by his devoted single mother Patti, Justin appears to be a respectful, open-faced, non-entitled, hardworking kid who happens to be able to sell out Madison Square Garden in 22 minutes.  He was also one of the cutest babies ever—the movie show us lots and lots of adorable shots of him as a baby.

We also learn how much effort it takes by many, many devoted hard-working adults to put on a concert. It is a major business undertaking, of which the star is merely the most memorable part.  (Which gives the lie to this tirade: “You kids and your music!” as if kids produced records and promoted concerts.)

I thought the whole movie was sweet.

End of Regular Movie Review. Now on to the “Edited for Christians” section.

First of all, boy oh boy, is it fun for me to write this blog wherein I get to write both Movie Reviews on movies rated all the way up to R, while also writing Thoughts on Scripture. I get the feeling from some email I receive that some people may be uncomfortable with this—that Christians should confine themselves to commenting only on the Holy or only on the Secular, but not both. An interesting idea, but certainly flawed. I am, obviously, living my life 24 hours a day, not all of it immersed in the ESV or the Institutes.

Secondly, there are among my dearest friends a group of people who equate listening to pop music with running methamphetamine labs near elementary schools. That is, anything (may I say it) “uncheckable” is “of the devil.” This is simply not true. (For the sake of those not in this circle, may I add that more than a few would include Christian music written after 1970 in the same classification, especially if there is a discernible rhythm, and certainly if percussion is utilized.)

Nor is it smart to think this way. Here’s why. If parents and teachers equate Justin Bieber’s music (for example) with Eminem’s music (though I am cautioned from the sidelines to point out that Mr. Mathers is currently more about taking care of his children than about abusing their mother), the children may fail to make the distinctions as well. You can work this out yourself, but I have seen more than one friend heartbroken when a daughter who just wanted a little more choice in her music actually moved out of the house and in with a boyfriend. (“You’ll listen to Toby Mac in this house over my dead body!”)

“Hey, wait a minute! I’m the king of this castle! I get to decide what music my kids listen to!” Well, dear, of course you do. But a wise person will not put a child’s desire to listen to Justin Bieber on the same level with her desire to cruelly gossip about her schoomates, plagiarize her term paper, disrespect her teachers, and “forget” to clean the kitchen.  I got you with that, didn’t I? You thought I was going to equate listening to Bieber with something really bad, didn’t you? You thought I was going to allow you to come back with: “But if I let her do this, she’ll be on the slippery slope!”

Dear Friend, your child isn’t on a slippery slope. Your child is a sinner, all the way at the bottom of the slope. If Jesus has saved her (her because 99.9% of Bieber fans are girls), you need to teach her how to make right choices, how to distinguish between cop-killing rap and “I wanna hold your hand.” At the same time, you need to teach her the difference between Toby Mac’s (for example) “I was made to love You, I was made to find You, made to adore You, I was made just for You,” (which you hate because of the genre) and Josh Groban’s “Ave Maria,” (which is beautiful, but blasphemous).

For your child’s sake, look deeper. Look further. Believe me when I tell you that your child will not be satisfied with listening to classical music or with that shockingly inane local station you tune into that plays “Ghostriders in the Sky,” the theme from Star Wars,  and other drivel.  

Back to the movie: of course you should not see this movie. This movie is for little girls who have Bieber Fever.  Plus, if you did go, you might find yourself tapping along or saying, “Ahh, how sweet,” when a baby picture comes up. Worse than that, you might not have taught your child how to discern along any understandable continuum, so that once she sees Beiber, she’ll think, “Well, now I’m ruined; I might as well secretly download the Entire Works of 50 Cent.” (he of, Lick You Like a Lollipop)